


The Dark Lord In My Kitchen

by The_Elister



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: ALSO NO WORRIES THE LETA THESEUS IS ON THE SIDE, Attempt at Humor, BAMF Newt Scamander, Blood, Gen, NO WORRIES THE OCs ARE JUST SOME GRINDELWALD FOLLOWERS, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Swearing, Theseus Scamander is a Good Sibling, alternate universe duh, am still salty about that, but only for 5 mins because hes a, i could have liked her but then she decided to sacrifice herself like ugh, kidnapped Newt Scamander, like a nosebleed, like i dont like leta but i didnt fell like fucking up canon completely, no beta we die like men, proly ooc and unrealistic character development but who cares, what did u expect is ff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Elister/pseuds/The_Elister
Summary: When Newt comes home, Grindelwald is sitting in his kitchen. He just wants to talk, to convince Newt to join him and work for the Greater Good.He didn't count on Newt not swallowing the lies.
Relationships: Leta Lestrange/Theseus Scamander, Newt Scamander & Theseus Scamander
Comments: 2
Kudos: 114





	The Dark Lord In My Kitchen

**Author's Note:**

> This was written because I read some other "Grindelwald is in his kitchen" fics and while they were good and I liked the twist with Newt joining GG I don't think he'd actually act taht way. He's ooc in this one as well but who cares its ff.  
> also sb tell me how that works: Newt has a cellar full of beasts and the suitcase... so why not just move the cellar into the case or am i missing smth?

When Newt Scamander came home, he was very surprised to find Gellert Grindelwald sitting at his kitchen table.

He whipped out his wand and gripped his suitcase tighter.

Grindelwald’s only reaction was a smile. “Good evening to you as well, Mr. Scamander.”

“Why are you in my kitchen?” Surely, Dark Lords, who had only three days ago escaped imprisonment, had better things to do.

“Ah, I’m sorry for that. I would have waited outside, but it started raining, you know.”

Newt didn’t believe for one second that Grindelwald would have waited outside even if the sky was cloudless.

“And what do you want from me?”

“I simply wish to talk, nothing else”, Grindelwald smiled again.

As if. Newt still aimed his wand at the intruder, intent to be ready when he showed his real motives.

“You can believe me when I say that I won’t hurt you today.” Grindelwald must have seen on his face that Newt didn’t believe a word. “Let me prove that my intentions are honest. Here, I will place my wand on the table.” Newt was no fool. The Dark Lord was just as dangerous as before.

“Then say, what you have to say.” Newt decided he should get this over fast, before his concentration waivered and his arm grew tired.

Grindelwald’s winning smile made Newt feel equally disgusted and scared.

“You see, I am not seeking revenge for your involvement in my discovering last year. You are a worthy opponent and I would like you on my side”

Not that Newt would ever do that, but he feared a downright refusal might get him into even more trouble. He would have to think about each word he said very carefully, to stay vague on his true thoughts.

Grindelwald was still staring at him expectantly, waiting for an answer to his offer.

“What’s in it for me, if I joined your side?”

“I want to make this world a better one. I want to free us wizards from the oppression by the statute of secrecy, and I would free your beasts as well. I would make sure anti-hunting laws are passed and would make sure everybody is educated on their true nature.”

As nice as that sounded- “A change like that can’t be forced upon the people. They have to realize it on their own or their mindset will never truly change.” For a short moment, Newt was afraid he’d spoken to strongly, had provoked Grindelwald too much. His arm was growing really tired.

Grindelwald’s smile didn’t leave his face however. “An interesting view on things. Well, let’s continue this discussion some other time.” Grindelwald stood up and reached for his wand. Newt was instantly on high alert again, thinking of a hundred different spells he could use.

“Mr. Scamander, I’d ask you not to tell anyone of this encounter.” Grindelwald didn’t ask, he demanded and threated with dire consequences should he not obey.

One last time, he smiled his creepy smile, then he was gone.

Newt let out a shaky sigh and let his arm sink. Apparently, he had given all the right answers and the situation hadn’t escalated.

He stayed on edge for several long moments. Would the intruder come back?

Newt waited several seconds more, checked his watch.

18:20

This meant Theseus would already be home from the ministry.

He kept staring, thinking.

Grindelwald was known for manipulating, hurting and killing people. There was no way he’d ever let him near his creatures – or himself, for that matter – again.

He sprinted into the basement and herded all the creatures into his suitcase, then he removed all the expansion charms. He ran up onto the living space again and grabbed anything that seemed useful, his secret money stash and any important documents. Anything else necessary for survival he had stored in his suitcase a long time ago.

18:34

Newt was gone.

.

.

.

Newt apparated into his brothers living room, much to Theseus’ surprise.

“Newt!”

“Oh, Newt!”

And Leta was there as well.

Theseus had jumped up from the dinner table as soon as he saw him and was now approaching Newt.

“Theseus, come on. We need to speak.”

Newt could see the concern in his brothers’ face, upon hearing this. Rightfully though, because Newt sounded scared even to his own ears.

Theseus dragged him into the adjacent bedroom and cast a soundproofing spell around the room, which might or might not offend the still baffled Leta in the living room.

Turning back to him, Theseus grabbed him by the shoulders and tried to look into his eyes. “Newt, tell me what’s wrong. Now.”

Newt felt a bit stupid, the whole situation seemed just too absurd in hindsight. Still, fear pushed him forward. “Grindelwald was in my kitchen.”

Theseus eyes went wide. “Grindelwald?”

“In my kitchen, yes.” All the panic Newt hat felt seemed to have transferred over to his brother.

“When? And why?”

“Ten minutes ago. I don’t know why. He just talked.”

The hands still holding Newt’s shoulders shook him a bit. “Talked about what?”

Newt summarized the conversation.

Theseus stabbed his finger at his brothers’ chest. “You are not leaving my sight. Ever. Again.”

Newt could practically watch the cogs in his brothers’ head turn, most likely already forming plans. “I’m so glad you told me, now we can go and actually do something about it.”

“Do you want a hug?” Newt asked, because he knew his brother and he seemed to need it.

As they hugged, following words were exchanged.

“Theseus, you’ll help me, right?”

“Don’t worry. We’ll catch that pisspot.”

Both of them let go.

“Alright, then, let’s go to the Ministry an get this sorted out.” Without waiting for an answer, Theseus grabbed his wrist again and dragged him out of the room towards the fireplace. A flick of his wand lighted the fire and he grabbed a fistful of Floo Powder.

Before he could say the destination however, Leta interrupted from where she’d sat down at the table again. “What’s wrong? Where are you going?”

“The British Ministry of Magic.” Theseus said as he threw the Powder and tugged Newt after him.

.

.

.

Theseus made true on his promise to never let him unsupervised again. Either he was watching over Newt himself, or a taskforce of aurors was standing on guard.

At first, he had tried to hide in his suitcase all day, but Theseus would have none of it. “You will stay right here where I can see you!” At least he was allowed to sleep alone on the couch, instead of between Leta and Theseus in their bed.

He was thankful for the help, but after a week the gratitude slowly morphed to annoyance.

So, there he was. Sitting on an uncomfortable chair in the corner off Theseus’ personal office. He watched him fill out paperwork, which would have been horribly boring, had it not been for Pickett. The Bowtruckle kept stealing his brothers’ quills and paperclips whenever he wasn’t looking. He couldn’t help himself; he was also a bit glad he could hide from Leta in here. While he still liked her and was not really opposed to talking with her, the conversations they held were always a bit awkward, since both of them never knew what to say.

When there was no paperwork to be filled out, they ran around the Ministry. Theseus checked in with his aurors, collected their reports, inquired for any news and revised the incoming post.

Always staying a few paces behind his brother, Newt waved and made stupid faces at the people they passed. Whenever they passed Leta in the hallway, she made sure to stick her tongue out back at him from where she was running after Travers.

One time, Newt had just been left in the big office with all the other aurors. Since all of them were busy with their own problems and trusted all Ministry staff, none questioned it too much when he just stood up and walked out. He took the lift and headed two levels down into the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. There, he asked to be given a blank form for registration, which was met with a raised eyebrow, but if Head Auror Scamander had sent for one, then so be it.

Back in Theseus’ personal office, Newt replicated the form, say, a hundred times and filled them in for all of his beasts. Then he took his brothers’ seal and stamped it onto every signature line. This would get him into a _lot_ of trouble when it was discovered, but for a less accurate inspector, it would properly do or at least buy him time.

Especially interesting were the meeting concerning the Grindelwald issue. People from almost every Department would come, including worldwide representation, because everyone wanted to get their hands on the Dark Lord. There was usually a lot of shouting and arguing involved, with Newt would have rather avoided, but the staff from level one usually brought tea with them, so he just hung around them in the back, listening to the crazy speculations and plans people came up with.

Once, somebody had made the mistake of suggesting Newt be used as a bait for Grindelwald, since he seemed to have so much interest in the Magizoologist. Theseus seemed this close to either murdering the one who suggested it or dropping dead himself. As he opened his mouth to start shouting insults, Minister Fawley stepped in front of him and declared that no, this was not a very good idea, but thank you for the suggestion.

This left Theseus irritated for the rest of the week, he kept mumbling “tHaNk YoU fOr YoUr SuGgEsTiOn!” under his breath.

This bad mood was noticeable at home, too. Newt thought he even heard Leta and Theseus fight once, from where he had hidden in his suitcase.

He now spent most of the time off work in his suitcase. The first few days, Theseus insisted he join in evening activities like talking about their day and card games and whatever, but eventually, he was just glad he could get some alone-time with Leta.

Newt had also adjusted the suitcase to the current circumstances. Habitats had been added or modified to accommodate the larger number of beasts. The shed had been reorganized and he also had installed a cooling spell upon a wardrobe in the corner, where he now stored larger quantities of meat to feed his beasts, in case his supply was cut off. He still went to the butcher regularly though, and wasn’t it a joy to watch Theseus carry large packs of meat for him.

He feared he might never live in his old flat again. Newt certainly was forbidden anywhere near it as long as Grindelwald was still free and even after a recapture, it seemed safer to change address. Not to speak of the aurors-to-be who had been allowed use his flat as training space for warding, surveillance and tracking spells.

.

.

.

The Kitchen Incident had been three weeks ago and Newt was so done. If Grindelwald didn’t kill him, the boredom sure would. At least he had convinced his brother to let him stay in the suitcase almost the whole day. So now, some other unfortunate soul had to run after Theseus and carry the suitcase with Newt in it.

As it happened, Theseus was still Head Auror, and therefor had top secret meetings to attend. During these meetings, which often lasted several hours and involved numerous visitors from all over the world.

Any visiting delegations usually brought a group of tag-alongs with them. They weren’t allowed into the top-secret meetings either, but they would mingle with the local staff as a form of ‘cultural exchange’.

Newt found these rather exhausting and preferred to slip away into his suitcase, which he would place on some unoccupied table in the back. After all, he didn’t want his suitcase to in the heart of the party and get banged up.

During one of these exchanges, consisting mostly of gossip, everyone gathered in the aurors’ office. A group of American wizards and witches had come and everyone enjoyed their respective laced coffee or tea. It was no wonder then, that nobody payed attention to a staff member excusing himself for a moment.

He went towards a desk more in the back of the room and placed an Invisibility Spell upon the suitcase lying there.

Like that, the staff member was able to walk out of the office, out of the building completely unsuspected. Down the street, where somebody already waited for him.

The Suitcase was wordlessly handed over and the delivery was complete.

Until that evening at closing time, nobody noticed that Newt Scamander was missing.

.

.

.

Newt, looked up from the baby Nifflers he was playing with.

Coming from his shed, he’d heard the sound of his suitcase being opened and closed again.

That must be Theseus, he was the only who still actively checked in on him, when he was down here.

Curious though, he’d thought the meeting would take longer, but apparently all issues had been easy to solve. Newt decided to go out for a little while, see if any new plans concerning him had been decided on.

He coaxed the pearl necklace and the pocket watch out of the Nifflers, petted the one last time, and walked over to his shed.

As he went to open his suitcase however, he met resistance. The flap wouldn’t open, as if somebody had closed the latches.

Was Theseus that annoyed of him? Or was he just scared some beasts would escape?

“Alohomora”, said Newt and promptly heard the latches snap open. He was most surprised at what he found when he stuck his head out. Two wizards and a witch with their wands raised at him.

Before he could think of taking out his own wand, an “Expelliarmus!” sent it flying towards one of the men.

Since nobody of them spoke up, Newt took a moment to analyze the situation. He was in a room he didn’t know with three people he didn’t know who also had their wands pointed at him. A kidnapping, most likely. Grindelwald’s doing?

The woman addressed him. “Are you Newt Scamander?”

Honestly? Who else did they expect to step out of his suitcase? “Yes, I am. Who are you?”

His question was ignored his captors looked at each other questioningly. Maybe it wasn’t a kidnapping then, if they didn’t even know what to do with him.

The woman spoke up again. “John, get the boss.”

The man on her right turned and left.

“So, what do you want from me?” Newt dared to ask.

The remaining two looked at each other again. “Shut up.”

He did just that and wondered if he would be allowed to step out of his suitcase completely, seeing as anything below his collarbones was still inside.

Then, he thought, maybe he actually preferred it that way.

He and his two captors stared at each other for a few moments longer, until the door opened again and somebody stepped in.

It was indeed Grindelwald. Newt hated his life right now. Not only did he have to live under constant surveillance and fear-morphed-annoyance for the past three weeks, no, now he had to deal with another direct confrontation.

“Mr. Scamander, good afternoon.”

Newt had to suppress an eyeroll. Could Grindelwald please just get it over with?

“Likewise. What do you want?”

“Actually, I had only intended to steal your suitcase, but having you here is even better.”

So what?

“And what do you want to do now?”

“You see, I’ve tried to obtain the suitcase for the past weeks now, since word reached me that you did not heed my wish to not tell anybody of our conversation.”

As if he had honestly believed Newt wouldn’t instantly get help, how stupid could he be.

“I had planned to hold your suitcase to ransom, any give it back on the condition of you joining me. But...”

Now they were getting to the real stuff. Newt was unimpressed however.

“With you here, I might just be able to blackmail your brother.”

Newt felt tempted to raise an eyebrow. Theseus would never play along with that. Not that he didn’t love Newt, but he would be burning the place down before listening to Grindelwald’s conditions.

The Dark Lord jerked his head. “Grab him.”

That was Newt’s cue to get the hell out of here.

As Grindelwald’s followers ran towards him, he dropped down into his suitcase and shouted a “Colloportus!” up at the opening. The flap fell down and the latches snapped shut. He had never been gladder he had practiced his wandless magic.

However, this Locking Spell could be easily reversed with an ‘Alohomora’ but not if he was faster.

As he sprinted around his shed and habitats, gathering all he needed for his plan, he kept up a constant stream of shouted Colloportus.

.

.

.

Theseus Scamander was so tired. It was almost midnight and they had spent the past hours searching his brother. Nobody knew when, how and why it had happened, but now Newt was kidnapped. The most likely culprit was Grindelwald, so Theseus was beyond fear at this point.

Since it was so late and they had no traces to begin with, they had decided to end the search and go back to the Ministry, even though Theseus would prefer to continue until his brother was found, he knew it would be better to give it a rest for today.

All of them were about to leave and go home, when they heard a roar, and saw a few seconds later what caused it.

A Graphorn, who had been believed to have gone extinct. The aurors drew their wands, ready to deal with the situation, when they noticed the rider.

No, two riders actually, though the second one was thrown over the back of the beast like a carped roll.

The Graphorn stopped next to the group of aurors.

“Newt, what the hell, what is going on-“

Newt gave the person lying behind him a tug, which made him fall off. Grindelwald was now lying at their feet, still tightly hugged by a Swooping Evil. Upon noticing the Dark Lord waking up, several aurors shot him with ‘Stupor’ spells, making him drop unconscious again.

“Don’t let him get away again.” Newt gave them a haughty look, called back his Swooping Evil and rode off into the night.


End file.
